Move Over Jersey Shore!
These Stately Shows Give Snooks a Run For Her Money!
Five years ago…nay, five minutes ago, producers and TV viewers alike would have laughed aloud at the influx of Jersey culture being pumped out on cable. From the infamous Jersey Shore to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, it just makes one wonder…what other not-so-notorious places should we be looking for next in the limelight?
The Real World: Alaska
Picture it. Deadliest Catch meets Ice Road Truckers meets…that’s right, hoochies in a fat cabin drinking too much. Goodbye Real World: Cancun, hello Real World: Anchorage! Think of all the sexual activity that would go on…just for warmth alone. And since RW tries to class it up by having their degenerates take on a job, why not have the lifted and tucked ladies and gents try their luck at a salmon hatchery or cut down logs in frigid temps? I can already hear the oh-so-appropriate references to sticky sap now…
Keeping Up With…The Canadians
Nothin’ like livin’ it up with those wacky neighbors to the north! See how many stereotypes you can spot as these kids “Aye!” their way into our homes and into our hearts. Though the camera will be littered by an abundance of elk and impromptu hockey games (seemingly similar to RW: Alaska in that respect), we will experience a not nearly as attractive cast as homegrown locals will be the ones in front of the camera. (Real looking people? That shiz is scary.)
True Life…I’m From Nebraska
We saw how tragic reality TV could get when we were forced to watch the Hogan family. Now take a turn for the downright sad when we visit those few people who call the Cornhusker State home. But because the not-so-Great Plaines are pretty well, plain, we’ll make sure to restrict this one to just a single episode!
The Hills: Colorado Edition
Let’s get real. The Hollywood Hills and a couple of boob jobs does not a mountain make. Turn on the real Hills; the rolling Rockies! Watch as those stunning out-of-town ski bunnies class up this act with nonstop lodge parties. Nothing says style like drinking a Pabst underneath an elk head! It’ll be like Hot Tub Time Machine except without all the beautiful extras, 80s appendages, and any of the sarcasm and/or humor! (Wait, why are we lobbying for this show again?)
The Biggest Hoosier
Who doesn’t love a fun Indiana pun? And since this state is sure to already have a hefty supply of fat people, why not go where the gettin’ is good? Nothin’ like watchin’ the large and in charge to make you feel better about yourself! This spinoff of The Biggest Loser goes to Middle America to transform portly housewives into thin, perfected primadonnas. (But don’t worry, since the marrying age is well below the national average here, these people will still be your peers!)