Spring Breakers Celebrate 10th Anniversary
Spring is in the air. For many college students, spring means one thing: SPRING F#^@ING BREAK! A week-long blur of six dollar rum, self-cut sleeveless muscle shirts, and an economy size pack of condoms. (The essentials, bro).
Overworked pectorals aside, spring breakers of yester-year also begin preparations for this year’s activities. We recently caught up with a few college grads from the class of 2000 to see how they plan on spending their breaks:
Richie Spangloss, econ major and big time millennium party boy currently lives in the suburbs with his wife Tina and their one year old son Tucker. “Spring break? Those were the best!” shouted Spangloss. “That’s where I met Tina. I had just fallen off a dunk-tank, which they re-named the ‘drunk tank’ after that. Tina came up wearing a g-string and poured a shot of tequila down my mouth out of what looked like a chemistry beaker. It was love at first sight.”
Spangloss took a brief pause to re-adjust his Baby Bjorn. He continued, “I’ve got some plans for spring break this year I guess. We’ve only got Saturday and Sunday like every other weekend—the firm is pretty strict. But me and some of the guys are playing in the company softball game against Porter Freeman. I think we have a good shot this year.”
Trent Blass, co-founder of the Blass International Paint Conglomerate, remembers his days on spring break fondly. “It was such a classic American story. Boy meets girl, boy and girl meet alcohol and illegal drugs, boy gets Plan B pill the next morning. Classic. The Beta Kappas loved me man, bring it up top!”
After a brief high-five session, Trent continued. “This year, I’ll be on a business trip. So I’m guessing I’ll end up at the hotel bar, get a couple of Rob Roy’s in me, and see where the night takes me. Probably get thrown out like last year. They just can’t handle the T-Dog when he starts barking!”
Charlotte Frank, an art history major in 2000, might have been the hardest ‘spring breaker’ of them all. “Oh man, spring break. Well, all I can say is I don’t remember much of them, and that’s probably for the best. Beaches, booze, bikinis…it was all fantastic. I took it pretty far though. Drunk in public, indecent exposure, urinating on a public building… You name it, I did it. If I had any advice to the class of 2010 on spring break, I’d say enjoy it. You only get four. Well, four as a student, then the next four when you’re trying to find a job with a damn art history degree while trying to manage three fatherless kids on a Wendy’s Assistant Manager’s salary.”
…So as spry young spring breakers descend on beaches and bars this spring, hopefully the lessons of the past can serve as a guide to the present. Don’t discount drunken encounters—they can lead to lasting relationships and even wonderful children (legitimate or otherwise). Don’t brush off the over-aggressive frat guy—he could end up starting his own multi-million dollar corporation. Most importantly, live it up and enjoy it, because at the end of the day, Wendy’s is always hiring.